24 hours and random musings.

24 hours until our first ultrasound? If you didn't know by now that I'm excited, well.... :)

Assuming all goes well we'll be going public tomorrow afternoon. My plan is to call my mom after the appointment, scan the ultrasound pictures when I get to work and email them to my parents and sister, and then call my SAHM friend who will answer her phone during the day. She's going to be so excited!! I'll call 3 other close friends after work to let them know before I put anything on Facebook. I haven't decided if I'm going to tell work tomorrow afternoon or hold off until Wednesday. I'm really nervous about telling them because I'll immediately have to start avoiding the question of "Are you coming back after maternity leave?".

On a completely different note, I've started thinking about certain activities differently than in the past now that I consider what it will be like with a child. One example is the circus which is in town right now. I remember going to the circus once as a child (I may have gone other times but just don't remember). At a fairly young age I decided for myself that I didn't agree with animals being forced to perform and would not go to the circus with the rest of my family. I was concerned with where they lived and how they were transported all over the country. I always hoped the tiger would eat a trainer or that an elephant would step on a clown. Looking back, was it strange for a child to value the well-being of an animal over a human? Weird as it may be, my views haven't changed in the past 20 years. I don't understand friends who watch bull riding on tv (I don't care how "hot" the guys are) because I secretly wish the bull will trample the rider, or perhaps gore him. When it happens I think "Well, he got what he deserved for making the animal do that."

Anyway, the other night another commercial for the circus came on tv. I turned to P and said, "Have I ever told you that I won't take our future children to the circus? If you want to, that's fine, but I won't." He thought about it for a minute and said he wasn't sure he would either. So now I have to ask myself if it's fair to not let our children make up their minds like I did. Can I explain why I don't like the circus to a 4 year old who wants to know why his/her preschool friends have seen the clowns but he/she has not? Will I be able to explain how I consider zoos and aquariums to be different because the animals are often born into captivity and the experience of seeing them is a learning tool (how can you want to protect something you've never seen?)? Oh the things I think about these days!